Mitaa ya Uswazi ambapo nyakati za jioni hugeuzwa kuwa 'National Stadium' kwa ajili ya mechi za Chandimu huku wachezaji wakilazimika kupiga chenga magari yanayotumia barabara husika wakati mechi ikiendelea!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
It seems every other Tom, Dick and Chesi has the right to preach on religious holidays like Easter. Not to be left behind, I tried it too:
There are some people in good old Bongoland who are pretending to be the modern version of the famed Good Samaritan of the Holy Bible.
For those aliens to religious fables, the Good Samaritan was a certain guy traveling on his donkey when he happened to come across another man who had the misfortune of falling into the hands of some vibaka who worked over him and left him for dead.
The Samaritan guy is said to have helped the man by bandaging his wounds and taking him to the local kivulini Guest house and footing the residential and medicine bills.
He is said to have done all this to the victim who was a total stranger to him while a Priest and a Levite, persons expected to have done something, had just minded their own businesses and passed on.
We are told the Good Samaritan did this without trumpeting or advertising it to nobody. Indeed, had it not been for a certain man going by the name of Jesus, we would have not known about this.
I must hasten here to add that this is the same Jesus a.k.a The Christ who was heard saying things to the effect that; ‘take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your father in heaven’.
Jesus goes on to say; ‘Therefore, when you do a charitable deed do not sound a trumpet before you as hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward’
And the good man Jesus caps it all by advising that when you do a charitable deed do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing and that your charitable deed should be in secret and your father who sees in secret will himself reward you openly’. I like that.
I must, however, hasten to add that by this ‘preaching’ I am not out to take someone’s job, no. rather this being Easter, the spirit of doing good has gotten into me and I have decided to do the only thing I think I am good at. Preaching, through this column!
The Bongoland modern version of the Good Samaritans is not doing things like the Biblical counterpart. Not only have their left hands known what their right hands are doing but also the local TV and radio stations and newspapers!
They are now even making appointments as to when they are going to do a good deed. That is why it is now not strange to hear a TV or redio station announcing that a prominent this person or that company will do a good deed to a certain house of orphaned children.
And when the great day arrives we see the prominent citizen or company descending on the premises of the orphans like a small tornado with a barrage of reporters, newspaper and TV cameras in tow.
Yeah, we get to see the prominent citizen or workers from prominent Monetary or Communication institution with smiles as wide as a Dentist’s bored yawn getting well orchestrated photo sessions with usually bewildered orphans.
They are bewildered because they have never seen such a big number of sophisticated, some of them actual looking like guns, of cameras and video cameras. Indeed, they are too busy staring at the barrage of TV cameras instead of enjoying the food.
Come next day and we see the Bongoland version of the Good Samaritan pictures splattered all over the newspapers showing him or her feeding some of the poor orphans with the angle of the picture more on the modern Samaritan than on the child. This was the purpose from the very beginning.
Yes, this is but a well orchestrated public relations occasion on which the poor orphans are just pawns in someone’s marketing strategy.
That is why I have decided to go down history documents and find if ‘The Daily Jericho’ of that time had news and pictures of the good Samaritan aiding his fellow human being. If it does not have, then definitely something is wrong with our modern Bongoland Samaritans!
There are some people in good old Bongoland who are pretending to be the modern version of the famed Good Samaritan of the Holy Bible.
For those aliens to religious fables, the Good Samaritan was a certain guy traveling on his donkey when he happened to come across another man who had the misfortune of falling into the hands of some vibaka who worked over him and left him for dead.
The Samaritan guy is said to have helped the man by bandaging his wounds and taking him to the local kivulini Guest house and footing the residential and medicine bills.
He is said to have done all this to the victim who was a total stranger to him while a Priest and a Levite, persons expected to have done something, had just minded their own businesses and passed on.
We are told the Good Samaritan did this without trumpeting or advertising it to nobody. Indeed, had it not been for a certain man going by the name of Jesus, we would have not known about this.
I must hasten here to add that this is the same Jesus a.k.a The Christ who was heard saying things to the effect that; ‘take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your father in heaven’.
Jesus goes on to say; ‘Therefore, when you do a charitable deed do not sound a trumpet before you as hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward’
And the good man Jesus caps it all by advising that when you do a charitable deed do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing and that your charitable deed should be in secret and your father who sees in secret will himself reward you openly’. I like that.
I must, however, hasten to add that by this ‘preaching’ I am not out to take someone’s job, no. rather this being Easter, the spirit of doing good has gotten into me and I have decided to do the only thing I think I am good at. Preaching, through this column!
The Bongoland modern version of the Good Samaritans is not doing things like the Biblical counterpart. Not only have their left hands known what their right hands are doing but also the local TV and radio stations and newspapers!
They are now even making appointments as to when they are going to do a good deed. That is why it is now not strange to hear a TV or redio station announcing that a prominent this person or that company will do a good deed to a certain house of orphaned children.
And when the great day arrives we see the prominent citizen or company descending on the premises of the orphans like a small tornado with a barrage of reporters, newspaper and TV cameras in tow.
Yeah, we get to see the prominent citizen or workers from prominent Monetary or Communication institution with smiles as wide as a Dentist’s bored yawn getting well orchestrated photo sessions with usually bewildered orphans.
They are bewildered because they have never seen such a big number of sophisticated, some of them actual looking like guns, of cameras and video cameras. Indeed, they are too busy staring at the barrage of TV cameras instead of enjoying the food.
Come next day and we see the Bongoland version of the Good Samaritan pictures splattered all over the newspapers showing him or her feeding some of the poor orphans with the angle of the picture more on the modern Samaritan than on the child. This was the purpose from the very beginning.
Yes, this is but a well orchestrated public relations occasion on which the poor orphans are just pawns in someone’s marketing strategy.
That is why I have decided to go down history documents and find if ‘The Daily Jericho’ of that time had news and pictures of the good Samaritan aiding his fellow human being. If it does not have, then definitely something is wrong with our modern Bongoland Samaritans!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Down town 'Bumbuli City'...!
Wamisionari wa Kijerumani walichangia sana kuvipa vitongoji vya 'jiji' hili majina kutoka kwenye Biblia. Huo mtaa unaopanda juu unaitwa Nazareth. Mbele zaidi kulia chini ni Bethlehemu. Ukirudi huku chini ukienda kushoto ni Bethania, Bethfage na Yudea na ukienda kulia ni Jerusalem 'Salem' na mbele zaidi, Syria. Kwa hakika, unapotembea kwenye mitaa ya Bumbuli ni kama vile unatembea ndani ya Biblia!
Atafutaye hupata, lakini.....Mh!
Kuanzia hapo, huu ukawa ndio msimamo wake na ukatetereka mara moja tu pale alipojiingiza kwenye kinyang’anyiro cha kugombea na hatimaye kushinda kwa kura za kishindo uchaguzi wa kugombea hili ‘Jimbo’ la uchaguzi ambalo si tu kwamba bado analishikilia kwa karibuni miaka ishirini sasa bali limeishamteua kabisa kuwa kiongozi wake wa maisha!
Kwa kifupi basi, hofu ya kugundua kuwa si kila aliye karibu naye ni mtoa kura wake mtarajiwa ndio kunakomfanya ayatupe kwa umbali unaozidi anvyoweza kuyatupa, masuala yote ya kugombea hiki ama kile. Uso umeumbwa na haya, ati!
Ni kutokana na hili ndio maana anashindwa awachukulie vipi hawa wabongo wenzake ambao kila aina ya uchaguzi unapotangazwa wao wanakuwa miongoni mwa watu wa mwanzo kabisa kuuchukua fomu za kuwania kinachogombewa!
Ndio muandika globuni huyu anafahamu majina ya wabongo wenzake kadhaa ambao kila unapotokea uchaguzi wa aina yoyote hawasiti kutia timu. Ushujaa ulioje!
Anafahamu wabongo wenzake ambao wameishagombea kuongoza timu ya mpira wa miguu, chama cha mpira wa magongo, kamati kuu ya mpira wa vinyoya, timu ya mpira wa vikapu, timu ya mpira wa pete, baraza kuu la mpira wa Wavu na kote huko wamepigwa kibuti!
Anafahamu pia watu ambao wameishagombea kuongoza Chama cha Wapaa Samaki, Umoja wa Vijana wa Wafuga kuku, Kamati Kuu ya Halimashauri kuu ya Wapishi wa mahoteli, Ukuu wa jimbo kuu la Tamaa na hata nafasi za kuteuliwa za akina mama Wacheza bao, na bado hawakuambua kitu!
Kinachomuacha hoi zaidi ni kuona wabongo wenziwe hawa wameshindwa katika chaguzi husika pamoja na kudai, wakati wanachukua fomu, kuwa wameombwa na wazee kufanya hivyo!
Kwa hakika, najikuta nikiuonea wivu ushujaa wa watu hawa wa kuwa tayari kuuchukua fomu za kuomba kuteuliwa kugombea nafasi hii ama nyadhifa ile tena na tena na tena pamoja na kwamba kila wakitia mguu wanatolewa kapa!
Ndio, Nasisimuliwa na ujasiri wa wabongo wenzetu hawa wa kujiona ama kudhani kuwa wao ndio wateule pekee wa kugombea kiila nafasi ya uongozi inayotangazwa kugombewa.
Kwa hakika, huwa nabaki nikijiuliza ni mpaka lini nyuso za wenzetu hawa zitakuwa na haya na ifike mahali wenye nyuso zao waamue wenyewe kuwa tumeishakataliwa kiasi cha kutosha, sasa basi!
Inawezekana kabisa kuwa watu wanaodhani kuwa mwana blogu anayeandika hapa ni muoga linapokuja suala linalohusu kugombea nafasi yoyote ya uongozi wana hoja. Inawezekana.
Inawezekana pia wana hoja wale wanaodhani kuwa sababu kuu ya mwana blogu huyu kuogopa kugombea nafasi yoyote ya uongozi ni kule kujifahamu kuwa sura yake haina mvuto` wa kuvuta kura za wapiga kura.
Bado pia Inawezekana wenye hoja wakawa wale ambao wanadhani kuwa kushindwa kwa Chesi kuwa mgombea wa nafasi yoyote ya uongozi kunatokana na mikono yake kugeuka mifupi ghafla linapokuja suala la kumwaga takrima.
Kwamba jamaa ana kawaida ya kuuugua kabisa homa pale anapolazimika kuingiza mkono mifukoni ili kutoa chochote kitu kwa ajili ya kuvuta kura za watoa kura!
Wote hawa wanaweza wakawa na hoja za msingi. Lililo wazi ni kuwa jibu la ni kwa nini miguu ya muandika katikati ya miguu ina kawaida ya kuota matende linapokuja suala la kuuchukua fomu ya kuomba madaraka ya aina yoyote ile, analo mwenyewe.
Ndio, ni yeye tu anayefahamu kuwa tangia mwaka ule wa 1972 akiwa darasa la tano pale shule ya msingi Chang’ombe alipojaribu kugombea kuwa monita wa darasa lao na kushindwa vibaya pamoja na kugawia wapiga kura kalamu, kichongeo na kifutio chake, jamaa alikata mguu kwenye masuala yote ya kugombea uongozi
Aibu ile aliyopata kwa kushindwa na mpinzani wake ambaye alikuwa hata hachezei timu ya shule kama yeye ikamtia woga na simanzi mno na kumfanya kuanzia siku ile aone kugombea nafasi yoyote ya uongozi ni sawa na kwenda kuomba pombe kwenye kaunta ya kituo cha Polisi!
Na kweli. Kuanzia 47 hiyo akakoma kugombea nafasi yoyote ya uongozi akichelea aibu na uchungu wa kugundua kuwa kumbe pamoja na watu wengi kucheka na kudai kuwa karibu naye, walikuwa hawamuamini sana kiasi cha kumpa nafasi ya kuwaongoza!
Inawezekana pia wana hoja wale wanaodhani kuwa sababu kuu ya mwana blogu huyu kuogopa kugombea nafasi yoyote ya uongozi ni kule kujifahamu kuwa sura yake haina mvuto` wa kuvuta kura za wapiga kura.
Bado pia Inawezekana wenye hoja wakawa wale ambao wanadhani kuwa kushindwa kwa Chesi kuwa mgombea wa nafasi yoyote ya uongozi kunatokana na mikono yake kugeuka mifupi ghafla linapokuja suala la kumwaga takrima.
Kwamba jamaa ana kawaida ya kuuugua kabisa homa pale anapolazimika kuingiza mkono mifukoni ili kutoa chochote kitu kwa ajili ya kuvuta kura za watoa kura!
Wote hawa wanaweza wakawa na hoja za msingi. Lililo wazi ni kuwa jibu la ni kwa nini miguu ya muandika katikati ya miguu ina kawaida ya kuota matende linapokuja suala la kuuchukua fomu ya kuomba madaraka ya aina yoyote ile, analo mwenyewe.
Ndio, ni yeye tu anayefahamu kuwa tangia mwaka ule wa 1972 akiwa darasa la tano pale shule ya msingi Chang’ombe alipojaribu kugombea kuwa monita wa darasa lao na kushindwa vibaya pamoja na kugawia wapiga kura kalamu, kichongeo na kifutio chake, jamaa alikata mguu kwenye masuala yote ya kugombea uongozi
Aibu ile aliyopata kwa kushindwa na mpinzani wake ambaye alikuwa hata hachezei timu ya shule kama yeye ikamtia woga na simanzi mno na kumfanya kuanzia siku ile aone kugombea nafasi yoyote ya uongozi ni sawa na kwenda kuomba pombe kwenye kaunta ya kituo cha Polisi!
Na kweli. Kuanzia 47 hiyo akakoma kugombea nafasi yoyote ya uongozi akichelea aibu na uchungu wa kugundua kuwa kumbe pamoja na watu wengi kucheka na kudai kuwa karibu naye, walikuwa hawamuamini sana kiasi cha kumpa nafasi ya kuwaongoza!
Kuanzia hapo, huu ukawa ndio msimamo wake na ukatetereka mara moja tu pale alipojiingiza kwenye kinyang’anyiro cha kugombea na hatimaye kushinda kwa kura za kishindo uchaguzi wa kugombea hili ‘Jimbo’ la uchaguzi ambalo si tu kwamba bado analishikilia kwa karibuni miaka ishirini sasa bali limeishamteua kabisa kuwa kiongozi wake wa maisha!
Kwa kifupi basi, hofu ya kugundua kuwa si kila aliye karibu naye ni mtoa kura wake mtarajiwa ndio kunakomfanya ayatupe kwa umbali unaozidi anvyoweza kuyatupa, masuala yote ya kugombea hiki ama kile. Uso umeumbwa na haya, ati!
Ni kutokana na hili ndio maana anashindwa awachukulie vipi hawa wabongo wenzake ambao kila aina ya uchaguzi unapotangazwa wao wanakuwa miongoni mwa watu wa mwanzo kabisa kuuchukua fomu za kuwania kinachogombewa!
Ndio muandika globuni huyu anafahamu majina ya wabongo wenzake kadhaa ambao kila unapotokea uchaguzi wa aina yoyote hawasiti kutia timu. Ushujaa ulioje!
Anafahamu wabongo wenzake ambao wameishagombea kuongoza timu ya mpira wa miguu, chama cha mpira wa magongo, kamati kuu ya mpira wa vinyoya, timu ya mpira wa vikapu, timu ya mpira wa pete, baraza kuu la mpira wa Wavu na kote huko wamepigwa kibuti!
Anafahamu pia watu ambao wameishagombea kuongoza Chama cha Wapaa Samaki, Umoja wa Vijana wa Wafuga kuku, Kamati Kuu ya Halimashauri kuu ya Wapishi wa mahoteli, Ukuu wa jimbo kuu la Tamaa na hata nafasi za kuteuliwa za akina mama Wacheza bao, na bado hawakuambua kitu!
Kinachomuacha hoi zaidi ni kuona wabongo wenziwe hawa wameshindwa katika chaguzi husika pamoja na kudai, wakati wanachukua fomu, kuwa wameombwa na wazee kufanya hivyo!
Kwa hakika, najikuta nikiuonea wivu ushujaa wa watu hawa wa kuwa tayari kuuchukua fomu za kuomba kuteuliwa kugombea nafasi hii ama nyadhifa ile tena na tena na tena pamoja na kwamba kila wakitia mguu wanatolewa kapa!
Ndio, Nasisimuliwa na ujasiri wa wabongo wenzetu hawa wa kujiona ama kudhani kuwa wao ndio wateule pekee wa kugombea kiila nafasi ya uongozi inayotangazwa kugombewa.
Kwa hakika, huwa nabaki nikijiuliza ni mpaka lini nyuso za wenzetu hawa zitakuwa na haya na ifike mahali wenye nyuso zao waamue wenyewe kuwa tumeishakataliwa kiasi cha kutosha, sasa basi!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
A political Laugh....!
"My mother is such an alarmist!" complained the teenager girl to her friends. "One cough and she thinks I have bronchitis. A headache and she is sure it is a brain tumor. One little lie and she thinks I am destined for a career as a Politician!!"
* * * * * * * * *
... and a Heavenly laugh!
Up in Heaven, the Pastor was shown his eternal reward. To his dissapoitment, he was given only a small shack. But down a heavenly street he saw a Dar-Arusha Bus Driver being shown a lovely estate with gardens and pools.
"I dont understand" the Pastor said. "My whole life I served God with all I had, and this is all I get while a mere Bus Driver is given a Mansion?"
"It is quite simple" explained St. Peter. "When you preached, people slept; but when he drove, people remembered God and prayed!"
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Of Churches opening Banks...!
The earthly ‘agents’ of the almighty creator of all the living creatures are saying and doing things which are making this scribe think that their Boss is preparing to open an Earthly Bank or SACCOS in the near future.
These are the same Earthly agents of the Lord who has been trusted with the important job of rounding up all the black sheep of the Earth, the like of this scribe, and return them safely to the Master Shepard’s manger before end of days!
This scribe is now hearing these Spiritual Earthly Agents of the Almighty alias the Alpha and Omega saying and doing things one expects to hear only from Bank Managers and other monetary executives of the land!
Like the first day of this year, he goes to this worship house to thank the Lord for being his savior and Guardian for the whole year, and he hears an Agent of the Lord announcing that a cool seven million madafu shillings has been collected during the two days of Christmas Masses!
This scribe is seeing his Earthly Shepard announcing this with much joy which was not there when he was trying to convince the black sheep of the land, the likes of this scribe, to return to God’s good ways!
This scribe is definitely confused because he is watching his wrist watch and he is finding that his Earthly Shepard who also doubles as God’s Earthly Agent is using much time talking about monetary matters than he uses in talking about ‘ come all ye faithful’ matters!
Indeed, the Earthly Agent should be spending more time on sermon about the like of Chesi who, as the good Lord have said, are like seeds sown by a sower but which fell on stony places.
Yes, Instead of basing more on the ‘toa ndugu ulichonacho’ version of sermon, he should be talking more about them who hear the word and immediately receive it with joy, yet has no root in themselves but endures only for a while for when tribulation or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he stumbles.
This scribe is definitely bewildered because he is hearing the Worldly Ambassadors of the Almighty up there uttering things to the effect that soon they will be starting a Bank. Religious institutions owning monetary institutions!
This scribe’s faith is definitely being rocked because he is seeing the Worldly Shepherds trusted with shepherding his sinful soul not only giving to Caesars what is Caesars but now tempting the same Caesars with what is God’s!
Indeed, many a faithfuls are getting skeptical as to why religious institutions should be owning monetary institutions.
This scribe is only left to hope that these modern shepherds has already sought out permission for this venture from the Almighty least he sends his Son to kick out monetary traders from his worship house like he did a few thousand years ago!
These are the same Earthly agents of the Lord who has been trusted with the important job of rounding up all the black sheep of the Earth, the like of this scribe, and return them safely to the Master Shepard’s manger before end of days!
This scribe is now hearing these Spiritual Earthly Agents of the Almighty alias the Alpha and Omega saying and doing things one expects to hear only from Bank Managers and other monetary executives of the land!
Like the first day of this year, he goes to this worship house to thank the Lord for being his savior and Guardian for the whole year, and he hears an Agent of the Lord announcing that a cool seven million madafu shillings has been collected during the two days of Christmas Masses!
This scribe is seeing his Earthly Shepard announcing this with much joy which was not there when he was trying to convince the black sheep of the land, the likes of this scribe, to return to God’s good ways!
This scribe is definitely confused because he is watching his wrist watch and he is finding that his Earthly Shepard who also doubles as God’s Earthly Agent is using much time talking about monetary matters than he uses in talking about ‘ come all ye faithful’ matters!
Indeed, the Earthly Agent should be spending more time on sermon about the like of Chesi who, as the good Lord have said, are like seeds sown by a sower but which fell on stony places.
Yes, Instead of basing more on the ‘toa ndugu ulichonacho’ version of sermon, he should be talking more about them who hear the word and immediately receive it with joy, yet has no root in themselves but endures only for a while for when tribulation or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he stumbles.
This scribe is definitely bewildered because he is hearing the Worldly Ambassadors of the Almighty up there uttering things to the effect that soon they will be starting a Bank. Religious institutions owning monetary institutions!
This scribe’s faith is definitely being rocked because he is seeing the Worldly Shepherds trusted with shepherding his sinful soul not only giving to Caesars what is Caesars but now tempting the same Caesars with what is God’s!
Indeed, many a faithfuls are getting skeptical as to why religious institutions should be owning monetary institutions.
This scribe is only left to hope that these modern shepherds has already sought out permission for this venture from the Almighty least he sends his Son to kick out monetary traders from his worship house like he did a few thousand years ago!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Ah, this civilized begging of Bongoland...!
The art of begging by pretending to be asking a small favor from family members, friends and strangers, is definitely going places if not getting out of hand. It is now being done for almost everything under Bongoland very scorching sun.
So much is everybody unto this civilized begging thing that this scribe is left to wonder if he is the only one around with two perfect hands and legs for doing anything for himself!
Indeed, had it not been for the ‘everybody for himself’ when it comes to sending kids back to international school, this scribe could have sworn that every Bongoland urbanite is a born disabled person!
He is thinking this because on his hand he is holding a civilized begging card asking him to contribute something not few than twenty thousand madafus because come two Sundays the card-giver is going to baptize his few weeks old child!
This civilized begging card is making this scribe angry because nine months ago when this guy and his comrade-at-filling-out-the-world were tempting each other with a certain forbidden fruit which will result in the to-be-baptized kid, he was not asked for any advice!
Indeed, this scribe is emphasizing on the not being for any advice for had he been asked for any contribution like he is being asked now, he would have contributed a particular funny looking adult thing which would have prevented the kid hence the civilized begging card!
He would have done that because he definitely would have seen through the couple’s life and have the sense to know that they were not ready and in nine months time they will be disturbing the likes of him with civilized begging cards!
Yes, being a veteran on filling out the World that he is, this scribe would had have the sense to advice the couple to engange more on running after the ever so scarce shilling of ours first first before raring to go on matters regarding doing their part in filling out our beautful Earth!
This would have resulted on the couple being more ready when the results of their enthuasiasm on filling our World started arriving, hence needing no assistance from Chesi and Co. with the baptising damages!
Indeed, this scribe is thinking that baptizing a child is too much a personal thing, at least for the contribution part, and should be a headache only for the culprit couples and their immediate families and not for every other Tom, Dick and Chesi!
One is bound to ask himself, if the culprit couples had all the human apparatuses, the energy and the enthusiasm to go with it when 'adding' another human being to the already big number of human beings on Earth,
Surely, they are supposed to have the same energy and enthusiasm in using their other body joints like their heads and hands to find funds for the baptism of the result of their mischievous?
The art of begging by pretending to be asking a small favor from family members, friends and strangers, is definitely going places if not getting out of hand. It is now being done for almost everything under Bongoland very scorching sun.
So much is everybody unto this civilized begging thing that this scribe is left to wonder if he is the only one around with two perfect hands and legs for doing anything for himself!
Indeed, had it not been for the ‘everybody for himself’ when it comes to sending kids back to international school, this scribe could have sworn that every Bongoland urbanite is a born disabled person!
He is thinking this because on his hand he is holding a civilized begging card asking him to contribute something not few than twenty thousand madafus because come two Sundays the card-giver is going to baptize his few weeks old child!
This civilized begging card is making this scribe angry because nine months ago when this guy and his comrade-at-filling-out-the-world were tempting each other with a certain forbidden fruit which will result in the to-be-baptized kid, he was not asked for any advice!
Indeed, this scribe is emphasizing on the not being for any advice for had he been asked for any contribution like he is being asked now, he would have contributed a particular funny looking adult thing which would have prevented the kid hence the civilized begging card!
He would have done that because he definitely would have seen through the couple’s life and have the sense to know that they were not ready and in nine months time they will be disturbing the likes of him with civilized begging cards!
Yes, being a veteran on filling out the World that he is, this scribe would had have the sense to advice the couple to engange more on running after the ever so scarce shilling of ours first first before raring to go on matters regarding doing their part in filling out our beautful Earth!
This would have resulted on the couple being more ready when the results of their enthuasiasm on filling our World started arriving, hence needing no assistance from Chesi and Co. with the baptising damages!
Indeed, this scribe is thinking that baptizing a child is too much a personal thing, at least for the contribution part, and should be a headache only for the culprit couples and their immediate families and not for every other Tom, Dick and Chesi!
One is bound to ask himself, if the culprit couples had all the human apparatuses, the energy and the enthusiasm to go with it when 'adding' another human being to the already big number of human beings on Earth,
Surely, they are supposed to have the same energy and enthusiasm in using their other body joints like their heads and hands to find funds for the baptism of the result of their mischievous?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Ah, the beautiful art of Bongoland retirement…!
Recently, we have been hearing a lot of ‘noise’ from several society quarters regarding the poor welfare of many a depressed retired civil servant of our good old Bongoland.
This scribe is only a four months old retiree but he is already wishing that someone somewhere would make some noise about his predicaments!
Although he is a dogodogo of only 49 years of age, this scribe found himself an Instant retiree because the modern management of the company he was working for didn’t think twice when its investor forced it to choose between chesi and technology.
Technology won hands down. It had to. It could do the work of three Chesi for the salary of one, never get sick hence needing an ED or go for a twenty eight day annual leave! chesi had to go.
Well, there I was. An instant redundancy-induced retiree. Don’t ever wish to be that. There is a kind of dejection and despair coming from being an employed, morning to evening busy person to being a domestic version of the famous Askari monument at Samora Avenue in your very own home.
Just a month of being an instant retiree, and all the signs of you not being wanted at home will be there. Yes, because all your children will be at work and school, you now will find yourself alone with the woman of your life for the past twenty or so years twelve hours a day-light and twelve hours a moonlight.
Now, gone will be the days when you were employed and you only met her early in the morning and in the evening if you were ought to pass a watering hole before reaching home. The woman of your life is now all yours twenty four hours a daylight and moonlight, seven days a week and retirement happily ever after!
Being used to working and office life, soon enough you will find yourself bored and start following her around as she goes about her house chores, not only peeping over her shoulder at everything she does just like that Supervisor back at your former office, but even giving her advices on how make the floor more clean!
Her body language will be will telling you she’d rather be left alone but you are too ignorant to household politics to notice this. Not even when she actual sweep off your lazy feet from the carpet and it is only because they are joined to your torso that you do not find them outside in the dustbin!
Yes, you are an Instant retiree. You will find fast enough that in the early days of your fast forwarded retirement most of the time you will be obliged to turn off your mobile phone when you are being a statue at home.
This will be for stopping those mischievous but harmless SMS from friends and former costumers you have not informed about your instant redundancy being seen by the woman of your life. Harmless? She definitely will want to know more about a message telling you; ‘We Kibaka! Nije uninunulie lunch?’
The good thing is that with all this, she still will be on your side. This you will know the day her mother and sister comes to visit and asks her why you are not at work and you hear her mouth mumbling things to the effect that you are not at work because you have joined the Open University which is Open to whatever day you want to go to class!
You will only be left to wonder if she is doing this because she does not want people to know, at least for the time being, that she is now married to a destitute or because she does not want us to be turned into a wafadhili and contribute 60% of our teeny weeny retirement package to offset the relative’s matatizo budgets!
And all this is just after only four months of retirement with a lifetime of it waiting for him out there. Help!
Recently, we have been hearing a lot of ‘noise’ from several society quarters regarding the poor welfare of many a depressed retired civil servant of our good old Bongoland.
This scribe is only a four months old retiree but he is already wishing that someone somewhere would make some noise about his predicaments!
Although he is a dogodogo of only 49 years of age, this scribe found himself an Instant retiree because the modern management of the company he was working for didn’t think twice when its investor forced it to choose between chesi and technology.
Technology won hands down. It had to. It could do the work of three Chesi for the salary of one, never get sick hence needing an ED or go for a twenty eight day annual leave! chesi had to go.
Well, there I was. An instant redundancy-induced retiree. Don’t ever wish to be that. There is a kind of dejection and despair coming from being an employed, morning to evening busy person to being a domestic version of the famous Askari monument at Samora Avenue in your very own home.
Just a month of being an instant retiree, and all the signs of you not being wanted at home will be there. Yes, because all your children will be at work and school, you now will find yourself alone with the woman of your life for the past twenty or so years twelve hours a day-light and twelve hours a moonlight.
Now, gone will be the days when you were employed and you only met her early in the morning and in the evening if you were ought to pass a watering hole before reaching home. The woman of your life is now all yours twenty four hours a daylight and moonlight, seven days a week and retirement happily ever after!
Being used to working and office life, soon enough you will find yourself bored and start following her around as she goes about her house chores, not only peeping over her shoulder at everything she does just like that Supervisor back at your former office, but even giving her advices on how make the floor more clean!
Her body language will be will telling you she’d rather be left alone but you are too ignorant to household politics to notice this. Not even when she actual sweep off your lazy feet from the carpet and it is only because they are joined to your torso that you do not find them outside in the dustbin!
Yes, you are an Instant retiree. You will find fast enough that in the early days of your fast forwarded retirement most of the time you will be obliged to turn off your mobile phone when you are being a statue at home.
This will be for stopping those mischievous but harmless SMS from friends and former costumers you have not informed about your instant redundancy being seen by the woman of your life. Harmless? She definitely will want to know more about a message telling you; ‘We Kibaka! Nije uninunulie lunch?’
The good thing is that with all this, she still will be on your side. This you will know the day her mother and sister comes to visit and asks her why you are not at work and you hear her mouth mumbling things to the effect that you are not at work because you have joined the Open University which is Open to whatever day you want to go to class!
You will only be left to wonder if she is doing this because she does not want people to know, at least for the time being, that she is now married to a destitute or because she does not want us to be turned into a wafadhili and contribute 60% of our teeny weeny retirement package to offset the relative’s matatizo budgets!
And all this is just after only four months of retirement with a lifetime of it waiting for him out there. Help!
money, money, money ....!
The monetary institutions of Bongoland seem to have a hidden agenda against the welfare of this scribe and his money which he does not have because they have it.
These monetary institutions of Bongo which are also known as Banks have in recent times been doing things which are making this scribe wonder if they have some information, definitely wrong ones, that he has come into some money.
The same Banks of Bongo are also making this scribe wonder if those days of old and gold in which a family owned only a single Savings account are gone forever.
That on these ‘Science and Technology’ modern times, I am better off having several saving accounts than the single joint one we have which most of the time is on a ‘suspended’ situation, the result of my branch’s management seeing how the only thing going in is my monthly salary which is drawn out immediately!
This scribe is watching with an amounting amusement at the way Bongo Banks are competing against each other in opening all kinds of dedicated special Savings accounts for their esteemed costumers to save their money on.
Yes, I am watching with an agonized look on Monday when this Bank at the city centre is promoting what it says is a special savings account for children under 12, and actual emphasizing on the benefits of my last born owning her very own personal savings account!
Indeed, I am even more amused on Tuesday when this other Bank at the very same City Centre is announcing the opening of a special saving account for housewives.
Come Wednesday and my ears are hearing news about yet another Banking institution urging its costumers to join their newly created special savings account which will cater for the house help a.k.a house girl a.k.a Dada!
Noticeably, the Banks are not giving any advice or ideas on what I should do to have my 12 years old own some money which I can put in her account. That is my headache. Definitely, not theirs.
Indeed, I am being convinced that at this rate, soon we will be hearing a Bongo Bank telling us Men that they are opening a special savings account for men’s nyumba ndogo a.k.a Vibanda hasara!
It actually seems that these Bongo Banks are not looking in my account and my kima cha chizi compatriots before trying to convince me into opening a special savings account for my 12 years old!
Had they just troubled themselves to look they would have found that I am having problem in saving any money in my very own account, let alone opening and saving money on any Mtoto account, Mama Account or Yaya account!
They should have found that there is nothing realistic in convincing me to open a mama account, a Student account, a toto account, a house girl account and maybe, just maybe, a Kibanda hasara account, while I am the single bread winner of the house and all these Accounts would have to be serviced by my single meager salary!
We are all left to wish that these Bongo Banks would soon be opening as many loan facilities as the dedicated special savings accounts they are now opening right, left and centre twenty four hours a day, seven days a week!
The monetary institutions of Bongoland seem to have a hidden agenda against the welfare of this scribe and his money which he does not have because they have it.
These monetary institutions of Bongo which are also known as Banks have in recent times been doing things which are making this scribe wonder if they have some information, definitely wrong ones, that he has come into some money.
The same Banks of Bongo are also making this scribe wonder if those days of old and gold in which a family owned only a single Savings account are gone forever.
That on these ‘Science and Technology’ modern times, I am better off having several saving accounts than the single joint one we have which most of the time is on a ‘suspended’ situation, the result of my branch’s management seeing how the only thing going in is my monthly salary which is drawn out immediately!
This scribe is watching with an amounting amusement at the way Bongo Banks are competing against each other in opening all kinds of dedicated special Savings accounts for their esteemed costumers to save their money on.
Yes, I am watching with an agonized look on Monday when this Bank at the city centre is promoting what it says is a special savings account for children under 12, and actual emphasizing on the benefits of my last born owning her very own personal savings account!
Indeed, I am even more amused on Tuesday when this other Bank at the very same City Centre is announcing the opening of a special saving account for housewives.
Come Wednesday and my ears are hearing news about yet another Banking institution urging its costumers to join their newly created special savings account which will cater for the house help a.k.a house girl a.k.a Dada!
Noticeably, the Banks are not giving any advice or ideas on what I should do to have my 12 years old own some money which I can put in her account. That is my headache. Definitely, not theirs.
Indeed, I am being convinced that at this rate, soon we will be hearing a Bongo Bank telling us Men that they are opening a special savings account for men’s nyumba ndogo a.k.a Vibanda hasara!
It actually seems that these Bongo Banks are not looking in my account and my kima cha chizi compatriots before trying to convince me into opening a special savings account for my 12 years old!
Had they just troubled themselves to look they would have found that I am having problem in saving any money in my very own account, let alone opening and saving money on any Mtoto account, Mama Account or Yaya account!
They should have found that there is nothing realistic in convincing me to open a mama account, a Student account, a toto account, a house girl account and maybe, just maybe, a Kibanda hasara account, while I am the single bread winner of the house and all these Accounts would have to be serviced by my single meager salary!
We are all left to wish that these Bongo Banks would soon be opening as many loan facilities as the dedicated special savings accounts they are now opening right, left and centre twenty four hours a day, seven days a week!
Wadau, wanasema ni kwenda na wakati kalini sina hakika nyinyi mnalichukuliaje hili la kushughulikia misiba Bar….
Kwanza, nilidhani sikusikia vizuri tangazo lile. nitenga vizuri sikio langu kuukuu lililokwisha ona, kama sio kusikia, siku njema na kusikiliza tena kwa makini.
Na si kwamba nilichokuwa nataka kusikia kwa ukamilifu kilikuwa ni jina la marhum, la hasha. Hilo nilikuwa nimelisikia vizuri na kutambua kuwa alikuwa ni mtu ambaye japo hakuwa ndugu yangu, nilikuwa nikimfahamu vizuri. Kulikuwa na kingine kilichonivuta kusikiliza tena tangazo lile.
Na bila khiyana mtoa matangazo akarudia tena. Kwamba alikuwa anasikitika kutangaza kifo cha fulani bin fulani kilichotokea hukoo katika hospitali ya nanihii, habari ziwafikie huyo na yule na mipango ya mazishi ilikuwa inafanywa kwenye baa maarufu ya nanihino!
Eh? Mipango ya mazishi inafanywa kwenye baa ya nanihii!
Hiki ndicho ndicho nilichodhani kuwa nilikuwa sijakisikia vizuri. Nikawa nimedhibitishiwa kwamba nilichokuwa nimesikia ni kweli na kwamba antena zangu, kwa maana ya masikio, hazikuwa kuu kuu kiasi hicho!
Kwamba marehemu fulani bin fulani alikuwa amefariki dunia na ndugu, jamaa na marafiki walikuwa wanakutana kwenye Grosari fulani ili kupanga mipango ya kusafirisha mwili wake kwenda kuzikwa alikozaliwa. Mipango ya mazishi Bar!
Nikakumbuka kuwa marehemu alikuwa miongoni mwa watu wachache hasa ambao ni wacha Mungu kwa maana halisi tofauti na akina Chesi ambao ucha Mungu wao unaonekana zaidi siku za jumamosi kwenye harusi badala ya jumapili kwenye misa!
Haya basi, tukanyanyuana na Bi mkubwa na kuelekea huko kwenye msiba, njiani tukiulizana ni masahibu gani yaliyokuwa yameikumba nyumba ya marehemu hadi ikaamuliwa mipango ya mazishi yake ikafanyiwe kwenye baa.
Ndio, nikajiuliza maswali kibao yasiyokuwa na majibu huku kubwa kuliko yote likiwa lile la jinsi marehemu alivyokuwa mcha Mungu na jinsi atakavyokuwa anajisikia huko aliko akiangalia mipango ya kuuzika ya mwili wake ikifanyika ndani ya Bar!
Tukafika pale nyumbani kwa marehemu ambapo palikuwa na liuwanja likubwa tu la kumwaga na kwa maana hiyo kuondoa dhana kwamba labda watu walikuwa wameamua kwenda kufanyia mipango ya kuusafirisha mwili wake Bar kutokana na kukosa nafasi kwenye makazi yake.
Nikambwaga mkuu mwenzie pale na kuelekea kule nilikoambiwa ndiko mipango ya kusafirisha mwili wa marehemu na mazishi yake ilikuwa inafanyika. Nanihino Bar.
Nikafika pale na kukuta ndugu, jamaa na marafiki wake kwa waume wakipanga na kupangua kipi kifanyike na kipi kisifanyike kuhusiana na msiba wa ndugu yetu huku mezani kukiwa kumesheheni 'vituliza majonzi’ kibao.
Kwa hakika, mtu yoyote ambaye angefika pale na kuona kilichokuwa kikiendelea, asingelaumiwa iwapo angedhani kuwa kilichokuwa kikiendelea ni kikao cha maandalizi ya harusi! Dhahiri angeshituka mno kuambiwa kuwa kile kilikuwa ni kikao cha maandalizi ya mazishi ya mtu!
Naomba niwe muwazi na kukiri kuwa nilijiunga kukaa kwenye kikao kile kwa machale huku kila mara nikigeuka huku na kule nikitegemea saa yoyote marehemu mcha Mungu kuwazukia pale na kutuuliza kwa nini tulikuwa tunafanyia Bar mipango ya kuzika mwili wake!
Ndio, kwa nini tulikuwa tunafanya mipango ya kusafirisha na kuzika mwili wake kwenye eneo ambalo meza ya pembeni kulikuwa na kikao cha maandalizi ya harusi, kandokando yake kulikuwa na kikao cha maandalizi ya Send-off ya mtu na pembeni kulikuwa pia na kikao cha usuluhishi wa ndoa ya mtu iliyokuwa juu ya mawe!
Naam, nimeishakiri mara kadhaa huko nyuma kuwa huwa huwa ninafanya jitihada za za ziada kuhakikisha kuwa siachwi nyuma na huku kunakoitwa kwenda na wakati lakini kila mara kumekuwa kunatokea jambo ambalo hunithibitishia kuwa amekuwa nikiachwa kwenye mataa na huo wakati!
Ndio, niliachwa nikishangaa watu walipoanza kuvaa sare za misiba, watu walipoanza kubeba makamera ya video makaburini, watu walipoanza kuwavalisha suti marehemu wakati hawakupata kuwanunulia suti walipokuwa hai, na wafiwa walipoanza kwenda saluni kabla ya shughuli ya kuaga miili ya marehemu wao.
Kwa hakika, kushangaa kwangu hili lililoanza kushika kasi siku za karibuni la vikao vya mipango ya kusafirisha na mazishi ya marehemu kufanyikia kwenye kumbi za starehe linamfanya adhibitishe wazi kabisa kuwa bado yeye ni mshamba aliyepitwa na wakati. Kwa hili, anakubali aendelee kubaki hivyo. Alamsik.
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